I GAVE BIRTH AT HOME…PART 1

My name is Katarina and I would love to share my birth story with you aka How you can give natural birth even after IVF treatment (the process of fertilization by manually combining an egg and sperm).

I need to start at the beginning so bare with me please 🙂
I used to be the typical woman wanting an expensive buggy, beautiful room for my baby with all the unnecessary but pretty things and terrified of giving birth. However life/destiny/god? had other plans for me. After getting rid of the birth control pill and not menstruating for couple of months I realized there was something wrong with me and long story short, my doctor told me that if I want to ever have a baby, we will need to use IVF. I won’t bore you with details, it was a long 4 years during which we tried 4 times, I was pregnant with twins and lost them at 8 weeks, exercised, lost weight, became pregnant again…. During this time I kept reading a lot..books, internet, forums…and my view of birth giving underwent a huge change. I started to see how important this single act was for the future of my baby, his health, his concept of life….and also for me, my health and also for our relationship. I learned how hormones work, how our bodies work…I lost almost all fear and what has remained was respect and trust.
So when I became pregnant again, I knew exactly how I wanted to give birth. First of all naturally, secondly at home with only my husband and midwife. The beginning of my pregnancy was tough. I was pregnant with twins again but was loosing one of the babies. I was bleeding and scared to loose them both again. I was taking medication first 12 weeks. After the bleeding stopped however, my pregnancy became normal and the rest was as healthy as can be. At 20 weeks I started believing I can really do it the way I imagined and my midwife also agreed. I did not take any other medication till the end, I exercised yoga, I had normal blood results, my son was growing healthy and strong in my belly.
When the day finally came I was at 40 weeks 5 days. I could not sleep that night, only about 4 hours and woke up to a slight pain in the morning (about 7am). My husband was asleep next to me. I had a feeling that my water might break (can’t explain it) but when I went to the toilet nothing happened. I sat there a while disappointed and told my son that I was looking forward to giving birth today and suddenly when I stood up, a trickle went down my leg…I had just peed so it must have been my water, I thought. I washed myself in the bath where something bloody came out (my plug) and when I went to my knees to dry off the mess I made on the floor, another trickle came out 😀 that was when I realized I needed to put something between my legs or I will be cleaning after myself the whole day 🙂 I also realized that this was finally it. I was soooo happy.
When I returned to bed my hubby was awake. I told him my water broke and he immediately started panicking. Asked me how I can be so calm and what are we going to do. I told him I was going to go back to bed and rest some more since we have plenty of time. He calmed down a bit when he saw how calm I am. Then got up and went to scrub the bath clean since I was planning to spend a lot of time there. I sent a text to my midwife to not make plans for the day since it was starting but not to come yet. Then I got up and went to make some soup. The morning went slowly, the waves I was feeling were not too strong and I could do almost anything I wanted. I was calm and happy. At about midday I asked my husband to watch a comedy with me since I read somewhere that laughter helps speed things up. So we watched, I bounced on my ball leaning on a chair in front of me and halfway through the movie I realized I wasn’t watching anymore but had to concentrate on breathing down and relaxing during the waves which were not so pleasant anymore but also not very painful either. It was time to get in my big tub and let nice hot water help me to relax.
At about 2pm I could’t help vocalizing during waves and let out a deep “aaaaaa” with every single one. In between I was sleeping for the 3-4 minutes I had. I needed to save energy. My midwife came around 3pm and examined how far along I was. 4cm…not bad. Most of the time till the 2nd stage I spent alone in my bath..that is how I wanted it. Everything and everybody disturbed me, so my husband and midwife talked in the living room while I sang my “aaaa” every couple of minutes. At around 7:30pm I was fully dilated and midwife told me that I can push if I feel like it. There were however still 2 hours of labor in front of me. Contractions weakened so I had to push actively during them, no breathing and letting my body do it…I had to focus. I pushed on the toilet, in the bath, in bed on my side with one leg up but finally the best position was on all fours on the floor next to our bed. My upper body on the bed, knees on a soft mat. This is how I finally got him out with the last bit of energy remaining. It did hurt, I was sure I would
tear but I wanted him out and didn’t care anymore. One contraction, big push and his head was out. Bit of waiting for another contraction and the rest of him came. Midwife only helped him down to the mat and I immediately sat down and took him to my arms. He appeared so big (3,77kg) and cried a lot. I think he also didn’t like the long pushing. My big beautiful healthy boy was here. It was 9:32pm 23.12.2015. My husband cried.
They both helped me to bed with my baby in my arms and midwife left us alone with him so we can enjoy the moment. Placenta was still in me, the cord untouched pulsating between us. Daddy laying next to us. Couple more contractions as my son tried to climb to my breast but I didn’t care anymore. I was in love. When midwife came back the cord was already white so she clamped and cut it. Daddy took off his shirt and put our son on his chest. I went to push out the placenta on the toilet. It was easier than to push in bed. While midwife examined it I took a shower and felt soooo great. Full of energy and happy. When I washed the blood and meconium (the dark green substance forming the first faeces of a newborn) off me I could go and run a mile how great I felt. I went back to bed to my baby though. Then midwife examined me and I was amazed to learn that I had no cuts or bruises down there. So great, it was a big relief for me. After examining out baby the midwife went home and we could spread the good news to family.
I couldn’t sleep till morning, I was amazed. To give birth at home was the best choice of my life. 🙂

THE LETTER FROM CRYING NEWBORN

Dear Mummy,

I love you so much since the time I knew I will be with you. I chose you and my daddy to take care of me because you are the best and I know I will be safe in your hands. As I was growing in that smooth and warm place suddenly I could feel the pain. The bad one. And then again and again, month after month… But you were happy to see me, you even made a photo of me thinking I am waving to you but I was just hoping you could understand I was in pain. Once I even got poisoned,they made you drink something. It was so sweet that my small body could’t get rid of it and I was feeling very bad. And then doctors scared you and I got scared too. I was only 24 weeks that time and they thought I want to come so early? As you cried while deciding about getting the cervix operation done I cried with you. I felt so helpless and I didn’t know how to tell you that I am just preparing my way out very slowly so it doesn’t hurt so much later. Why would they wanted to stitch it back? And then mummy, the day you wrote in your calendar finally came. But I was not ready. I needed few more days…maybe 4 or 5. We could wait to see each other for sooo many days mummy so why we couldn’t wait for 5 days more? But I heard them talking to you and they had a different plans…so not a right timing for our doctor. Now we packed our bag and left home. We are going to see each other soon, I just want to hug you and stay like that forever.

Source: Shutterstock

I can hear loud voices, rush. I can hear you telling them to dim the lights, to close the door so other people don’t see us. I can hear you asking them to call daddy in, but they refuse…poor dad he must be feeling really lonely and sad. I chose him also, why he couldn’t be with us? I am excited now to feel your touch, to feel your breath…

And then I felt the pain! Oh, what a pain it was! I was not prepared for this mum. I wanted only few more days so I was ready for the outside world.

You asked them what did they give you. It was oxytocin (pitocin-synthethic) which was supposed to help me to come out. But it was so painful then. I didn’t have time to relax, my before warm and safe space started to push me out….it was so painful…And you were also shouting so much…Mummy we didn’t have time to get relaxed even for a minute…It was very difficult to come out. You were lying on your back with the legs up and it was unmanageable for me. And together with those strong contractions it made me feel weak and I could’t breath properly. I was still safe as there was placenta around me, so getting into the birth canal was still soft and smooth. But then suddenly they broke it, they broke my home mum…and I was not ready yet…

I could hear shouting and pushing. Mum why were we in such a rush, who was pushing me? Please tell them to let us be.

Lights…oh so many lights..and opened door. Mum please take me, I am crying not because I have to, not because I need to take a breath. I am crying because I am here with them and I want to be there with you. I was so much waiting for this special moment and so were you. I am not ready yet but they just cut our cord, our connection mum just to stretch me after so many months in my comfortable position. For what? Do they really think I will grow up if they measure me after one hour? I cry louder and louder. Bath and wearing clothes I don’t even realize so much I am in stress. I want to be with you…

Finally in your hands…But I can’t feel your skin. I am trying to get to your breast but doctors are pushing me and turning my head in different positions. Why we can not have more time mum? I try to look around but I still can not see my dad…Then after I finally calmed down some other woman takes me again from you. Noooooo! Mum I love you, why are you letting them? Please tell them NO. Then I just see the lights and door and dad and door again and other babies and bed. Mummy…I try to call you. I know you must hear me. I am scared and I can not hear your heart anymore….I am alone.