When I was younger I never thought about the delivery. I never thought one day I’ll be mother. And if I thought then I was pretty sure I’ll either adopt the baby or go for C-section. Vaginal delivery was equal to tremendous pain and I was just not interested in that. What is that thing in women’s life that turns her into ‘I-don’t-care-creature’? Is it the media presenting child birth as bloody painful event that we just have to survive? Is it our mothers and whole society talking about their experiences as something that had to be done? Is it our husbands who feel disgusting once we start talking about delivery?
It became a mind set for all the women. But then, when you are really pregnant, you start to think and you deserve to know all the information available. During my pregnancy I was strong enough to change my mind set. I studied ayurvedic approach to pregnancy, yoga, meditations, hypno-birthing, natural ways how to carry on with pregnancy till home delivery.
Finally I did’t give birth at home as I was planning and dreaming. Not because of any complications but it was just too much complicated. Me living in India, traveling to Slovakia, staying in house with my parents…So we decided to travel to Austria to one of those places where you can give natural birth…And here our family history started peacefully and naturally 🙂
I would love to share my Birth Plan which I wrote not only for the doctors/midwives but also for my husband to understand all what I need and to protect me and our baby in case of any disrespectful manners from hospital staff. It’s written in simple language so men can remember 🙂
Write me to my email email@example.com to get your copy in pdf.
I love you so much since the time I knew I will be with you. I chose you and my daddy to take care of me because you are the best and I know I will be safe in your hands. As I was growing in that smooth and warm place suddenly I could feel the pain. The bad one. And then again and again, month after month… But you were happy to see me, you even made a photo of me thinking I am waving to you but I was just hoping you could understand I was in pain. Once I even got poisoned,they made you drink something. It was so sweet that my small body could’t get rid of it and I was feeling very bad. And then doctors scared you and I got scared too. I was only 24 weeks that time and they thought I want to come so early? As you cried while deciding about getting the cervix operation done I cried with you. I felt so helpless and I didn’t know how to tell you that I am just preparing my way out very slowly so it doesn’t hurt so much later. Why would they wanted to stitch it back? And then mummy, the day you wrote in your calendar finally came. But I was not ready. I needed few more days…maybe 4 or 5. We could wait to see each other for sooo many days mummy so why we couldn’t wait for 5 days more? But I heard them talking to you and they had a different plans…so not a right timing for our doctor. Now we packed our bag and left home. We are going to see each other soon, I just want to hug you and stay like that forever.
I can hear loud voices, rush. I can hear you telling them to dim the lights, to close the door so other people don’t see us. I can hear you asking them to call daddy in, but they refuse…poor dad he must be feeling really lonely and sad. I chose him also, why he couldn’t be with us? I am excited now to feel your touch, to feel your breath…
And then I felt the pain! Oh, what a pain it was! I was not prepared for this mum. I wanted only few more days so I was ready for the outside world.
You asked them what did they give you. It was oxytocin (pitocin-synthethic) which was supposed to help me to come out. But it was so painful then. I didn’t have time to relax, my before warm and safe space started to push me out….it was so painful…And you were also shouting so much…Mummy we didn’t have time to get relaxed even for a minute…It was very difficult to come out. You were lying on your back with the legs up and it was unmanageable for me. And together with those strong contractions it made me feel weak and I could’t breath properly. I was still safe as there was placenta around me, so getting into the birth canal was still soft and smooth. But then suddenly they broke it, they broke my home mum…and I was not ready yet…
I could hear shouting and pushing. Mum why were we in such a rush, who was pushing me? Please tell them to let us be.
Lights…oh so many lights..and opened door. Mum please take me, I am crying not because I have to, not because I need to take a breath. I am crying because I am here with them and I want to be there with you. I was so much waiting for this special moment and so were you. I am not ready yet but they just cut our cord, our connection mum just to stretch me after so many months in my comfortable position. For what? Do they really think I will grow up if they measure me after one hour? I cry louder and louder. Bath and wearing clothes I don’t even realize so much I am in stress. I want to be with you…
Finally in your hands…But I can’t feel your skin. I am trying to get to your breast but doctors are pushing me and turning my head in different positions. Why we can not have more time mum? I try to look around but I still can not see my dad…Then after I finally calmed down some other woman takes me again from you. Noooooo! Mum I love you, why are you letting them? Please tell them NO. Then I just see the lights and door and dad and door again and other babies and bed. Mummy…I try to call you. I know you must hear me. I am scared and I can not hear your heart anymore….I am alone.